100 Top & Most Popular George Carlin Quotes

About George Carlin

George Carlin, a legendary comedian known for his sharp wit and thought-provoking humor, left behind a legacy of timeless quotes that continue to resonate with audiences around the world. Here are some of his top and most popular quotes, categorized by various topics.

100 Top Quotes by George Carlin in English

Here is the list of famous, most popular and top quotes by George Carlin in English.

George Carlin Quotes on Life

Life, with all its complexities and absurdities, was a frequent subject of Carlin’s comedic musings. Here are some of his memorable quotes on life:

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” – George Carlin

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating…and you finish off as an orgasm.” – George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.” – George Carlin

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.” – George Carlin

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” – George Carlin

“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.” – George Carlin

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” – George Carlin

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes about Society

Carlin was renowned for his social commentary, often shedding light on the absurdities and hypocrisies of society. Here are some of his notable quotes on society:

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.'” – George Carlin

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” – George Carlin

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – George Carlin

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” – George Carlin

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!” – George Carlin

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man… living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you.” – George Carlin

“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes for Laughter

Carlin’s humor was unparalleled, often delivering punchlines that left audiences roaring with laughter. Here are some of his quotes guaranteed to bring a smile:

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?” – George Carlin

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” – George Carlin

“Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?” – George Carlin

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” – George Carlin

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.” – George Carlin

“Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.” – George Carlin

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes about Politics

Carlin was never one to shy away from poking fun at politics and the people involved in it. Here are some of his memorable quotes on politics:

“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.” – George Carlin

“If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to get selfish, ignorant leaders.” – George Carlin

“I don’t have pet peeves, I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!” – George Carlin

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.'” – George Carlin

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.” – George Carlin

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.” – George Carlin

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” – George Carlin

“The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Language

Carlin was a master of language, often playing with words to highlight absurdities or make profound statements. Here are some of his memorable quotes on language:

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?” – George Carlin

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.” – George Carlin

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” – George Carlin

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” – George Carlin

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Religion

Carlin’s thoughts on religion were often provocative and insightful, challenging traditional beliefs with his trademark humor. Here are some of his memorable quotes on religion:

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man… living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you.” – George Carlin

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.” – George Carlin

“If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.” – George Carlin

“When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.” – George Carlin

“People are praying for a cure for AIDS, but that’s just God’s will unfolding. Now isn’t it God who supposedly gave us AIDS in the first place? Why would he change his mind?” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes for Reflection

Carlin’s quotes often invited deep reflection on the nature of humanity, society, and existence. Here are some of his quotes that inspire contemplation:

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” – George Carlin

“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Education

Carlin often had a humorous take on the education system and the way knowledge is imparted. Here are some of his quotes on education:

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.” – George Carlin

“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.” – George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.” – George Carlin

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Death

Even in discussing death, Carlin’s wit and humor shone through. Here are some of his quotes on death:

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.” – George Carlin

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” – George Carlin

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Technology

Carlin often offered humorous insights into the role of technology in our lives. Here are some of his quotes on technology:

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?” – George Carlin

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.” – George Carlin

“I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.” – George Carlin

“Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.'” – George Carlin

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Comedy

As a comedian, Carlin had profound insights into the nature of humor itself. Here are some of his quotes on comedy:

“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.” – George Carlin

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” – George Carlin

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” – George Carlin

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Love

Carlin’s take on love often combined humor with a touch of cynicism. Here are some of his quotes on love:

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – George Carlin

“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.” – George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.” – George Carlin

“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Wisdom

Carlin’s wisdom often came packaged in humorous anecdotes and observations. Here are some of his quotes on wisdom:

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” – George Carlin

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” – George Carlin

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes on Humanity

Carlin’s commentary on humanity often highlighted its contradictions and idiosyncrasies. Here are some of his quotes on humanity:

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” – George Carlin

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man… living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you.” – George Carlin

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes for Inspiration

Carlin’s words often served as inspiration, challenging listeners to think differently or take action. Here are some of his inspirational quotes:

“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.” – George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” – George Carlin

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” – George Carlin

Conclusion

George Carlin’s quotes continue to captivate and entertain audiences, offering profound insights into life, society, and the human condition through his unique blend of humor and wisdom.

FAQs:

1. What was George Carlin known for?

George Carlin was known for his sharp wit, social commentary, and groundbreaking stand-up comedy routines.

2. Was George Carlin controversial?

Yes, George Carlin often courted controversy with his provocative material that challenged societal norms and conventions.

3. Did George Carlin have any famous catchphrases?

While he didn’t have traditional catchphrases, many of Carlin’s lines have become iconic, such as his routine on the “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.”

4. What topics did George Carlin often joke about?

Carlin joked about a wide range of topics, including politics, religion, language, society, and human behavior.

5. What was George Carlin’s comedic style?

George Carlin’s comedic style was characterized by his use of wordplay, satire, social criticism, and observational humor. He often challenged conventional thinking and pushed boundaries with his material.